'I used to bring only tears to my family, now today, I bring smiles'

“This could be my last chance to get sober, to live a happy and joyous life.”

Those are the desperate words of a Derry woman battling alcohol addiction for years who could not free herself from its grip.

She didn’t know how to live without alcohol.  It was used as a coping mechanism to suppress underlying trauma.

But, she says, after reaching out to addiction support group Heal the Hurt (HTH), her recovery has been ‘astounding’.

“Heal the Hurt has helped me to realise that childhood trauma was not my fault, to face my past and see it as the past, not my today.

“With the help of group therapy in a safe environment of discussion and no judgements I slowly started believing in myself again with the help and power of the 12 steps to recovery.”

She adds: “I now have a new thinking process, I had to relearn a lot of things that I thought were true about me and I see now that I was sick and trying to get better.”

The woman, who wished to remain anonymous to avoid destabilising her recovery, says she had to confront her own ‘selfishness’; the ‘hurt and trauma’ that was being passed on to the next generation.

Breaking the cycle of alcohol abuse was key, she says, to ensure that her children and grandchildren never know that pain.

She is proud to have climbed that mountain: “Those were my wildest dreams that I thought I would never achieve and now I am with the help of Heal the Hurt.

“It’s amazing for everyone, especially my children.  They got their mammy back and I got to be their true, amazing mammy again and their world.

“I do my best not to judge or be judged, it’s all part of my recovery.”

At group sessions she now leads by example by helping others to ‘see the beauty of not being a slave to addiction - to see the beauty in the world, not the darkness.’

DEVASTATED FAMILIES

HTH founder, Liam Stewart, himself a recovering addict, says the addiction charity has gone from ‘strength to strength’ despite difficulties posed by the pandemic. 

Numbers attending have almost doubled.

Last year the NI health service recorded over 3.5 million anti-depressant prescription items at a cost of over £18m.

Mr Stewart points to the amount spent on anti-depressants in Northern Ireland as evidence of the need to address a mounting mental health crisis.

While anti-depressants aren’t specifically categorised as addictive, abuse of other types of prescription medication locally is of great concern to the Derry man.

He says: “People were forced to stay at home over the past year where they drank more than usual to cope with the stress.

“Their medication seemed to increase and it’s understandable that a lot of people crossed the line and are now in addiction.”

Alcohol misuse alone costs Northern Ireland as much as £900 million a year, with up to £250 million of this falling on an already stretched Health and Social Care sector.

Despite these significant costs, the Department of Health allocates a relatively small budget to tackling the problem - £8 million for implementation of its Drugs and Alcohol strategy, and a further £8 million for statutory addiction services from the mental health budget.

That represents around five per cent of the budget, according to the Northern Ireland Statistics and Research Agency (NISRA).

Derry and Belfast have the highest mortality rates related to alcohol mis-use in the North.

Speaking candidly, Mr Stewart explains: “The depths of addiction in our very own group has claimed the lives of 41 people, the youngest being only 19 – families that are devastated forever.

“Our referrals have doubled since July last year with the impact of Covid.

“I believe Heal the Hurt has been a lifeline to many people, where there’s no appointment needed and people are made very welcome.  Our service is also free of charge.”

SMILES

Underlining that point, another member of Heal the Hurt shared their experience with the Derry News.

As a parent to three boys, he had attended with his GP and other health professionals but felt that ‘no-one understood’.

He fell deeper into a hole of alcohol and drug abuse before finding the motivation to attend Heal the Hurt on the recommendation of a friend.

While anxious at first, he grew more comfortable as other people recounted experiences similar to his own.

“I decided to give the programme a go, today I am in recovery. 

“I never thought I could imagine a life without drink and drugs, yet here I am today, focussing on what’s really important, understanding it’s all about giving back, it’s about my boys and family.”

He concludes: “My actions today are having an impact on my three boys and family.  I used to bring only tears to my family, now today, I bring smiles.

“Is it hard?  Of course it is, it’s tough, but looking at my children and family smiling now is what’s important.

“This makes me hungry for more of this programme and more of Heal the Hurt.”

Meetings are currently held in a small room at the back of Northside Shopping Centre in Galliagh.

Since it was established, Heal the Hurt’s path has not been straightforward, it has faced the threat of closure on more than one occasion.

However, Mr Stewart expressed his gratitude to the local community for their ‘generous donations’ which have allowed the doors to remain open.

Group member, Brandon McManus (above), is the latest to kindly donate £600.

“These people are saving lives and reuniting families. That’s priceless,” Mr Stewart says.

Special mention was given to the Friars of Renewal for their input over the past five years, particularly Brother Patrick, who Mr Stewart described as one of his best friends.

Brother Patrick is now living in New York where he is continuing to help people with addiction.

If you have been affected by any issues covered in the story, contact details for Heal the Hurt can be found on Facebook.

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis and need support or if you have observed someone who is in distress and may come to significant harm through self-harm and suicidal behaviour please call the Community Crisis Intervention Service can be contacted on: 028 7126 2300

And if you need to speak to someone urgently, please call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000, the Samaritans or attend your local Emergency Department.

Other services are also available in the city and can be found online.