County Derry mum speaks about postnatal depression battle

Danielle Sands was delighted when back in 2022 she learned she was expecting a baby.

Having worked with children all her adult life, the mum-to-be couldn't wait to finally hold her own child in her arms.

The Draperstown woman had a fairly straightforward pregnancy until she reached 20 weeks.

Following a fetal anomaly scan, Danielle was told that her baby wasn't growing.

Soon after, she developed pre-eclampsia and had to attend hospital appointments every other day so midwifes could monitor her pregnancy.

At 35 weeks, Danielle unexpectedly went into labour.

“That night I went to bed at 8.30pm with severe pains and I haemorrhaged, the blood loss was brutal. The placenta was coming away and by the time I got to the hospital I was nine and a half centimetres, my blood pressure was through the roof, my heart rate was dropping and they couldn't get the baby's heart rate. I ended up having to go for an emergency section.”

While Danielle was being taken into the operating theatre, her worried husband Nial was preparing to join her, however doctors had to move quickly and he missed out on the birth.

Recalling that night, Nial said: “As far as I was concerned I was going into the birth and was waiting for someone to come out and bring me in but no-one came anywhere near me. Next thing I heard a baby crying and I couldn't believe it. I asked them how Danielle was and nobody could give me a straight answer. A while later a doctor told me that Danielle had to be put under general anaesthetic and they said hopefully she would be ok. It wasn't really a straight answer.”

Baby Joe was born at 11pm on March 7 2023 weighing a tiny 3lb 6oz.

The new parents weren't able to see him as he was rushed to the neonatal unit straight away.

When the couple finally got the chance to meet their beautiful son the following morning, they were told to prepare for him being in hospital for up to eight weeks and that he would not be home before then.

However, little Joe came on so well that he was home in Draperstown within nine days.

About a week after, Danielle developed severe postnatal depression.

“The first day the midwife came out I knew that something wasn't right but I thought it was just a bit of baby blues,” she explained.

Baby Joe was just 3lb 6oz when he was born and spent nine days in the NICU.

“I lost my mummy as well and I have no brothers or sisters and I suppose I felt like I didn't have another woman to talk to – I just thought this was normal. Who's to tell you what's normal and what's not because you are a first time mummy and you don't really know?

“I told the midwife how I was feeling and she said she would come out and see me again the next day.

“That night I had a really bad night and the next day when she came out to see me I had escalated to ten times worse.

“It's something I obviously hadn't experienced in my life before prior to Joe being born and it's something I wouldn't wish on anybody.”

In the days that followed, Danielle was unable to sleep, she suffered from severe anxiety and lots of negative thoughts were constantly running through her head.

“I had such disbelief in myself. I kept thinking I wasn't good enough to be a mummy. This was all in my own head and I knew I couldn't tell anybody what was going through my head. It wouldn't stop and it kept going on that much to the point where I was making myself sick. I was traumatised by it all,” she said.

As the days passed, Danielle struggled to get out of bed, she stopped eating and even turned off her mobile phone because she didn't want to speak to anybody.

For Nial, watching his struggling wife, who before the birth had been a bubbly and outgoing character, was tough.

“We were living with Danielle's father at the time. We sort of knew it was coming as we were both worried that it was going to happen. We knew Danielle wasn't herself,” he said.

“I was terrified. All you want is for everybody to be happy and for everybody to be safe and sound. Danielle just wasn't able to be there to share in the happiness of Joe at that time.

“You were telling Danielle it's nothing to do with Joe, it's your mind that is telling you lies.”

Danielle admits at that time that she was 'totally in denial' about having postnatal depression even though she was constantly crying and the negative thoughts were becoming uncontrollable.

Danielle was referred to the Cookstown mental health team that day however she was told that any support they would be able to provide would take at least three years due to waiting lists.

Draperstown couple Nial and Danielle Sands would like to see more support in rural areas for both mums and dads affected by postnatal depression.

The Cookstown team did however make a referral to the perinatal team in Coleraine where Danielle started receiving some help.

“They asked me questions and were able to tell me that I 100% had postnatal depression. They said it wasn't about me not being able to be a mammy or being a bad mammy. They told me that my brain was telling me lies and that unfortunately my depression was severe.

“I went to see a psychiatrist and perinatal mental health nurse and they started me on different medications that day and then started to come to see me weekly at the house.”

Unfortunately for Danielle, the medication did not help and her depression got worse.

“A nurse called Roisin Quinn, from the perinatal team, came out and she was amazing. The psychiatrist was also brilliant, but I was no better. I was just progressivly getting worse and worse,” said Danielle.

“At that point I hadn't spoken to anyone and they asked me to message a close friend as a homework task. I did message her that evening and told her how I was feeling. I was very open and it was then that the team came out and told me I had to see the crisis team at Holywell. It was scary but they changed my medication right away. It took time because they had to wean me off the other medication. The turning point was definitely when they changed the medication. I didn't get better overnight – it was more just small changes every day, things like me getting up out of bed myself without Nial having to tell me to get up.

“I did intensive work with the psychologist, including cognitive behaviour therapy which made a massive change.”

It was during the period where Danielle's medication was being changed that she experienced her darkest day.

“One day it got particularly worse and I had my darkest day,” she said.

“On that particular day I experienced many suicidal thoughts that they became so unbearable that I felt I couldn't go on any more.

“That was the worst day. I was ready to give up.

“The team obviously became more involved after that and got me medication to slow down the thoughts.”

Nial also had to take several months off work to help look after Joe and Danielle and he says he is grateful to his employers, Pharmacy Supplies, who provided so much support at that time.

“It was tough at the time because I wasn't getting any support in terms of counselling and financially it was tough because I wasn't working but my employers were very supportive allowing me to take the time off to be with Danielle and Joe,” he said.

As time went on, Danielle began to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

“I didn't believe it at the start that the medication was working and then I did start to believe it and I realised that this is just depression, that I can be a mummy. It was through the cognitive behaviour therapy that I found out that some of the postnatal depression was linked to my own mummy's death and some of it was down to the trauma of Joe's birth. It was never a question that I never loved Joe because I did – I loved him but I just believed I wasn't good enough – that was just all the depression talking.”

Danielle and Nial hope that by speaking about their experience, it will help others in a similar situation.

“We just want to raise awareness to help at least one other person so they don't have to go through this,” said Danielle.

“We would not wish this on our worst enemy, we wouldn't want anyone to go through what we did because it was horrific.

“Speak up and get the help that is needed because there is nothing to be ashamed of.”

The couple would also like to see more perinatal support for people living in rural areas, like Draperstown.

“In Omagh there is a support group for any parents suffering from postnatal depression but there is nothing here, there is no groups you can go to. There is no help. We would love to see something like this being implemented here and that's something we want to become involved in,” Danielle said.

Nial added: “I attend a group called Dad's Voice in Ballymena, which was started by a guy called Darren Beggs, and his story is quite similar to ours. He realised that when parents are going through something like this, the dads are being left out. It's not to take away from what the mother is going through but dads are new parents as well. One of the big things Darren is trying to fight for is health visitors that screen dads as well. We meet every other week and offer peer support to each other, it has definitely helped me a lot.”

Danielle says if it weren't for the crisis team, in particular perinatal nurse Roisin Quinn, she wouldn't be here today to tell her story.

She has urged other mums not to suffer in silence.

“If you had seen me after I had Joe to where I am at now, it's completely different. Obviously I still attend regular appointments and take medication but that's ok, I can cope with that.

“Joe celebrated his first birthday last week and is hitting all his milestones – he's trying to walk and he's talking - he is a wee miracle and a wee blessing,” she added.