Me & You with Jennifer Griffiths: What about you?

I was chatting with one of my mums this week... she was telling me she’s a bit bored now her three-year-old daughter has settled into nursery.

First, it was great, she said, time to relax, do shopping, sort the house out, but now I’m thinking is this it?

Days and days of housework, shopping, cooking, cleaning… what about me! We spent some time talking about this, which sparked the idea for this week’s article…

Of course, we love our children; of course, we want to be good parents, but it does raise the question ...is this my life for the next 18 years. Is this what I WANT for my life for the next eighteen years?

This mum and I spoke about her dreams, her aspirations, what she wanted to do before her daughter arrived.

Of course, she had no regrets about her daughter, 'my little love, my blessing, my bundle of happiness,' she said.

But, I said, what about you? What did you want before she came along?

For some of us our babies are planned, for some they are happy accidents, some of us are young, some of us older, some have babies in their career break, some didn’t want a career. Whoever you are, whatever you are doing, the theme, ‘what about you’ is still the same.

You are still you, with dreams, wishes and ideas, just because you have children doesn’t mean these have to disappear forever.

There comes a time, just like this mum, or maybe when they start school, maybe when they start senior school, maybe just when you think, I need to be me again!

That you have to think about you, it is true that the happier you are the happier your children will be... so, take some time this week to think, what about me?

We all have different dreams, skills, talents (yes, you do have skills and talents). it’s about recognising that, recognising that you have something to offer, that you, yes you, can do what you dreamt of. 

Of course, you are still going to be mum; of course, the children will still be a priority, but make you a priority too.

This mum told me, and maybe it’s you too, that she didn’t do well at school, left with no qualifications, but always wanted to work in probation or youth offending.

For you, it doesn’t matter what she said she wanted, the path can be the same, the advice can be the same.

Maybe you did do well at school, have all your GCSE’s, maybe a degree, but nothing worked out quite right, maybe you had a fancy job but actually didn’t like it. Again the advice is the same…

RE-TRAIN... whether its starting with a functional skills course in English and Maths to get you GCSE ready, a level one or two diploma, an access course to university, or simply a course that you think you might like!

BE REALISTIC... don’t try to do too much at once, this Mum was, I’ll do this, this, this and that, and I was, slow down! Remember children get sick which means your studying will be affected, best to only commit to a small amount of education, a part time course, and complete it rather than take on too much, fall behind, drop out and feel totally worthless. 

BE HONEST... don’t be thinking I’ve nothing to offer, as a Mum (and say this at interview!) I’m excellent at time management, organisation, planning, prioritising, financial management, I get on well with others, I’m solution focused and dedicated. (Let me explain further, you organise and juggle school runs, activities, meals, dentists, housework etc. Prioritise daily as you juggle the needs of one child and another, solve problems with homework, tantrums, sort out all the bills etc. Meet a variety of professionals and parents on a daily basis and always find time to help out at school events…. I could go on… these are transferable skills, skills needed in the work place - it’s how you sell your self that matters!

REFERENCES AND WORRIED ABOUT THE WORKPLACE... of course you’ll need a reference, of course it’s scary going back to work, but could you consider part time voluntary (remember don’t take on too much). Lots of places need volunteers, yes you may not be able to volunteer in the area of work you like but that’s not the point. It’s the fact that you will have a good reference, have shown willing to enhance your skills and gives you a taste of being back in work!

SEPTEMBER... many courses start in September, but September seems a long way off to make a start on your dreams, but now is the time to plan. Can you do volunteering, can you do an online course to make you ready for that course you really want to do in September, can you re-train to get that promotion, can you talk to your Manager about any new opportunities, September is only actually five months away, about 22 weeks. 

Oh, and you need to plan for childcare too! Yes this is about you, your dreams, your hopes, your aspirations but nanny’s dreams may not involve looking after the three children from 8.00am - 6.00pm five days a week! 

Happy thinking, happy dreaming, but even more so…  happy doing!

Have a great week, x