Derry poet aiming to raise domestic abuse awareness

Here it is: the waves that sweep me up off my feet,
Puts me so deep under water I feel I can’t breathe.
Because I’m not how I actually feel, but it is certainly a wave of pain,
Am I strong enough? I’m just one human; will I ever feel myself again?’

This is the reflective opening stanza of ‘The Wave’ one of the poems in a new published anthology by Derry author, Nicole Gillespie.

Speaking to The Derry News, Nicole said through her poems she wanted to raise awareness about “the severity of the emotional, mental and physical implications of being subject to domestic abuse”.

Of the 15 poems in “My Choice, Your Voice” she recalled ‘The Wave’ as being the hardest one to write.

“‘The Wave’ speaks of a mammy’s experience of waves of emotions washing up all the feelings every parent experiences. Am I enough? Do I hold the ability to keep my children emotionally healthy through the most difficult time in my life as I create my own identity? How do I ensure they do not get wet, and how will I find strength in my most vulnerable place?” added Nicole.

“In comparison, my favourite poem in “My Choice, Your Voice” is ‘Moon and Friends’, which highlights the beauty and healing that lies in our connection to nature.

“In days consumed by darkness, my children and I used to park the car at the river and sit under the moon present with each other. During these times we cried together, sometimes we reminisced but we always connected.

“On the nights the moon wasn’t visible; this taught them that we can’t always see the things that we trust are present. This was pivotal in their own journey as they watched their mammy rebuild a strong sense of self,” said Nicole.

Now approaching her mid-thirties, Nicole describes herself as having “been on a journey to self-acceptance” since she began counselling studies five years ago.

“Entering the counselling world provided an opportunity of hope and healing as I regained an identity that had been lost in a sense of self, driven by fear,” she explained.

“Fear rooted in my need to conform to societal norms, people please to self-destruction, and reach expectations of others.

“As a mother of two children and auntie to two nieces, I hope to lead by an example of acceptance and strength. I recently qualified as a counsellor and would like to highlight the importance of developing comfort with our vulnerabilities in a society where perfection seems idealized.

“Writing my poems was cathartic for me during one of the most difficult transitions of my life to date.

“Overwhelmed with insight and awareness, I began detaching from life as I knew it in attempt to find wholeness. I poured every emotion into paper, releasing me from all the negative feelings that once consumed me. Committing to utilizing this tool, not only paved a path to healing but enabled me to remain emotionally healthy in front of my children,” said Nicole.

“Deciding to publish this anthology derived from my passion in planting seeds of hope, assuring others experiencing emotional distress that they are not alone,” she added. “I aim to break generational cycles and create light in empowering people through writing.

“I hoped by exposing my darkness to others that they would build tolerance to developing a capacity to visit their own. I desired to normalize the removal of shame and guilt for individuals who find themselves outside society’s depiction of normal.

“I feel we all have a story to tell, and each from our own individual perspective. I do not draw on categories or labels of behaviours that create an experience but feel it is important to hold accountability for the power we can curate in our response to them.

“I have been subjected to behaviours of others that have facilitated in the dismantling of my identity. Controversially, until I was willing to sit with my vulnerabilities with an open-ness to self-awareness these patterns would have continued to be repeated cyclically. I finally feel in creating a more solid sense of self, I have broken a cycle of unhealthy relationships.”
The reception of “My Choice, Your Voice” has been “endearing and heart-warming,” said Nicole.

“I have had messages and contact from people who have revisited places they felt would forever remain under a rug.

“Knowing my poems has helped even one person, created a silver lining to each situation that presented as a dark cloud on my path.

MacD on Music: Future Games

Colin Cronin, frontman of The Future Cork Local Band, talks about the recent album releases

Mayor helps raise awareness of World Alzheimer’s Day

Council buildings to be illuminated purple to show solidarity with people living with dementia and their families

“Publishing ‘My Choice, your Voice’ has grown my confidence in writing and aided towards self-acceptance.

“I am excited to continue publishing in the future and use the tools I have acquired to help others. Sharing my poems has been empowering for both me and the reader,” she said.

Nicole said her message to other people who are in the position she was once in would be it is “never too late to begin scripting your own story”.

She added: “Too many times, we are focused on living up to the expectations of others that we forget we can be our own author. Prioritizing self is not selfish but necessary in allowing you to be the best version of yourself, especially to parents.

“Our children thrive in environments where their parents are truly happy which can look different for different families.

“We cannot control our experiences, but our power lies in our response to them. Never underestimate the strength in facing our vulnerabilities and the courage in sharing them. A colleague once told me to ‘feel fear and do it anyway.’”