Wayne Rooney really needs to take a walk.
When I say take a walk, it is only because I can't print what I really mean in a family website. The man disgusts me.
Take a look at any number of photos. There he is kissing the Manchester United badge on his Manchester United shirt, supposedly a symbol of love and loyalty for his football club. And he's serious too!
Wayne Rooney is to Manchester United what I am to international football' only interested when it suits me.
Supposedly Rooney is set to sign a new contract at old Trafford that will get him the guts of £300,000 a week, that's before his sponsorship deals and image rights and FIFA royalties kick in on top of it.
This contract is being signed on the back of Rooney also being kept provy to United's transfer dealings, with the club allegedly bending backwards to keep their star player informed about future dealings.
Now I've heard all the arguments about keeping Rooney and placating Rooney, making him feel loved and wanted and cherished.
I've also heard the argument that by signing Rooney to an extended contract, it will show other clubs and prospective signings that United are still ambitious.
And there's the old chestnut that Rooney, having been, by far, United's best player this season, deserves it, pure and simple.
Let me address those.
Firstly, if he wants to feel loved, give him a hug. I have two wains in the house who need to feel loved on a daily basis but you don't see me paying them £300,000 a week to keep them happy.
Secondly, United don't need Rooney to prove they are ambitious. They are the biggest club in the world, they are one of the two most successful clubs in English history and they already have some of the best players in the world at their disposal; Van Persie, Mata, De Gea and Ashley Young! (That last was clearly a joke).
And thirdly, Rooney has been United's best player this season, and in a year when United are bewildering everyone by their mediocrity, he has stood out head and shoulders above the rest. So I understand offering him a new contract. But not at £300,000 a week, and not by United telling him who they're going to sign in the summer.
The last time he threw a trabnsfer strop he narged at Alex Feguson, saying he should have signed Mezit Ozil. Ferhuson told him it was none of his business who they should sign. Wiser words have never been spoken.
How dare this uppity Scouser address a man who has won everything there is to win in such a manner? How dare this philandering ego-manic hold a club to ransom like this. And how dare United, be it,Moyes, be it Woodward, or whoever, allow him to make such demands.
If you have a story or want to send a photo or video to us please contact the Derry Now editorial team on 028 7129 6600 for Derry City stories Or 028 7774 3970 for County Derry stories. Or you can email [email protected] or [email protected] at any time.