‘I was sexually abused when I was 13 and turned to alcohol and self-harm to numb the pain – but sound healing saved me’

A wellness guru who says he was sexually abused when he was 13 and later turned to alcohol and self-harm to numb the pain has said sound healing “saved” him.

Killian Campbell, 31, who grew up in Ireland but now lives in south London, met an older man, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, when he was 13.

He said the man, who was in his early 20s at the time, started texting him before sending sexually explicit messages and pictures and later touching him inappropriately – but Killian “couldn’t tell anyone”.

After the alleged relationship – which Killian now describes as “pure paedophilia” – ended, he said he started drinking to excess, working to exhaustion with 18-hour days and self-harming regularly.

It was only after watching a TV series about sexual abuse in 2020 that he decided to report his experience to the police, and the case went to trial, where the defendant was found not guilty of all charges.

Killian has recently waived his automatic right to anonymity and, although he does not feel he got the justice he deserved, he said his healing journey began when he started participating in sound healing and he now provides sessions to “save (others) too”.

“For me, sound healing saved me,” Killian told PA Real Life.

“I don’t know if I would be here if it wasn’t for finding that release.

“I was sexually abused when I was a child and it completely changed my life and sound healing saved me, so I felt I needed to share that with people and create that space for it to save them too.”

Killian said he had a “normal” childhood in Ireland, until he was 13.

“It started with just text messages… and then the text messages started to pick up in terms of their sexual nature,” Killian explained.

“There were lots of different pictures sent and different suggestions, and then we met in a hotel room.

“This went on for a period of roughly four or five months.”

Killian explained there was never any penetrative or oral sex, but there was kissing and touching of genitals.

One night, Killian said the man “whispered “I love you” in his ear and, although he knew this was not normal, he said he “couldn’t tell anyone”.

After the alleged relationship ended abruptly when he was 14, Killian said he felt “confused” and he questioned why he had been chosen.

“I remember feeling flattered because I was a young 13-year-old boy who was coming to terms with their sexuality and I was getting some male attention from an older guy, but I didn’t realise that it was wrong at the time,” he said.

In the years that followed, Killian said he was “scarred” and found himself in a “dark” place.

He turned to alcohol, worked “ridiculous” 18-hour shifts in retail and started self-harming regularly.

“I would describe it as, there was something inside me that was crawling around and I was just trying to get it out,” he said.

After falling and suffering a severe concussion while drunk, Killian said he knew he “needed to stop”, so he quit his job, gave up alcohol and started having therapy in 2018, aged 25.

He attended sound baths – a meditative experience where participants are “bathed” in sound waves – to “regulate (his) system” and tried other forms of therapy, including breath work sessions and yoga.

He experienced a “turning point” in 2020, aged 27, when he “binged” a TV series called I May Destroy You, created by and starring Michaela Coel.

Within seven minutes of the series ending, Killian said he called the police, reporting the alleged sexual abuse from when he was 13 and 14.

This led to a four-year process and the case went to trial at Derry Crown Court in June 2024 after the defendant pleaded not guilty to three charges.

Northern Ireland Courts and Tribunals Service confirmed the three charges were indecent assault on a male child, committing an act of gross indecency towards a child and inciting a child to commit an act of gross indecency.

However, the defendant was found not guilty of all three charges.

“I went to the police for two reasons – I physically had to get those words out of my body, it was like a purge, and then the other part was, I reported it in case it had happened to anyone else,” he said.

During this time, Killian was engaging and training in sound healing and breath work and he believes that, without these, he would not be here today.

He attended an ayahuasca retreat in July 2023, where he participated in traditional shamanic ceremonies using a potent psychedelic brew called ayahuasca, and he experienced a profound moment of healing while he was there.

He said: “In my vision that I was having, I was that 14-year-old child.

“I could smell the room, I could see it happening, and I was in the moment… I could literally see him standing above me while it was happening, and I was being abused again.

“But in that moment, I wasn’t scared, I felt compassion for him because I thought, ‘Something happened to you and you don’t know how to articulate it, and this is why you’re doing this’, and that was incredibly healing for me.”

Killian has since launched his own company called Killian Campbell, which facilitates healing through sound therapy, retreats and wellness practices, and he now uses his experience to help others who may be facing similar struggles.

Killian believes retreats are key for providing space to help people heal and reset their lives and said his next retreat location is Morocco, which will feature a villa, pool, sound baths, breath work and workshops.

He hopes that by “ripping (himself) open for other people to see” and being vulnerable, he will help others feel less alone.

“It takes a strong person to stand up and say, ‘I’m going to share the vulnerable parts of me and the parts where I was dragged through the mud and I was scared and I thought that I was going to die’, in order for it to save someone else,” he said.

“I’m doing this for the 13-year-old who was confused and didn’t know what the f*** was going on and, I think that if he was to pick up this story, then it would be the answer.”

For mental health support, contact the Samaritans on 116 123, email them at jo@samaritans.org, or visit samaritans.org.

For support regarding male sexual violence, visit SurvivorsUK’s website here: survivorsuk.org.

To find out more about Killian and his company, visit: killiancampbell.com.