As we kept vigil with James in the intensive care unit of Altnagelvin Hospital and during the few days since he died, we have struggled to find the correct words to describe our sadness, hurt and loss.

As we celebrated his Requiem Mass there was a pain in all our hearts - we are united in our grief, lost in a sea of difficult emotions.

It’s as if our world has been turned upside down, the natural order has been changed for parents should not have to commit their young teenage son to an early grave.

Today, we have more questions than answers.

We are in a daze and fail to understand.

The ‘what if?’ and ‘if only?’ questions flood our minds.

‘If only I had reached out’, ‘if only I had noticed’, ‘did he not know how much we loved him?’ ‘What if I had said this or that’, ‘what if I had been there? Where did I fail him? What did I miss?

As Clive, his dad, said to me: ‘I just can’t get my head around it. I have a million questions running around in my head and can find no answers.’

These thoughts are understandable but destructive and fruitless. It is self-blame and is not justified.

It is not fair on yourself because you, Martina and Clive, were good parents. You both loved him to bits.

His death was neither a rejection of your love and affection nor of your friendship.

You loved him, he knew it and he loved you and that is all that counts at the end of the day.

Our Heavenly Father, as Jesus assures us, has a special affection for those of us who are too bruised and wounded to be touched or to seek help.

Jesus assures us the Father's love can go through locked doors, into lonely places to free up what's paralysed and help that which can no longer help itself.

God is not blocked when we are. God can reach through.

And so I have no doubt that our beloved James is now being healed through a touch that he could never quite accept from us, enjoying a freedom he could never quite find here and is now blissfully happy inside God the Father’s eternal embrace.

TO THE FRIENDS OF JAMES

Over the past couple of days I have seen your tears and heard your cries of anguish.

I know you are heartbroken and my heart goes out to you too today. You have just lost someone very dear to you. Many of you are still in shock, confused and very sad. It is because you loved James so much.

Reach out to each other – support each other. Look at this distraught family.

We don’t want any more families to go through what they are going through. I know today you are experiencing the searing pain of grief.

You can help heal each other by talking about your pain.

I know we men find it hard to tell people what we feel as if we are ashamed about our feelings. It’s O.K. not to be O.K. It’s O.K. to need help. It’s OK to feel whatever you feel right now.

If you are feeling lonely or any hint of despair please do not hide or suppress these feelings.

Do not lock yourself away in your inner turmoil. Instead talk to your parents, your priest, your form teacher, your youth worker. Please just talk to somebody.

Many years ago I experienced deep grief which leads to depression.

I fell into that dark hole where no light enters. Everything was black and there seemed no point in being alive, no joy, no hope, only despair and a crippling sense of loss.

But I sought help. I went to the doctor. I talked to friends, took medication for a while and gradually I got my sense of life’s purpose back again. Help is available.

I conclude by offering you the healthiest option of all.

To the young people who may have fallen away from the practice of their faith.

I plead with you with all the conviction in my heart please come back to the Bread of Life, the Eucharist.

It can give you the strength to face any crisis in life with courage and hope.

Come back - in this special Year of Mercy - to an awareness of Christ’s tremendous mercy and love for each one of you, a limitless love with not conditions attached.

These will give you a consolation and peace that his passing world can never match.

He said: ‘I came that you may have life and have it to the full.... I am the Way the Truth and the Life’.

With open arms, Christ says to you today: ‘Come to Me all you who labour and are heavily burdened for I will give you rest. My yoke is easy and My burden light.’

Christ says to each of us: ‘I offer you a peace that the world cannot give – do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid... Come to Me and find rest - come!’

(I will say a few words about Bishop Daly next week)

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